Divorce/Separation

How to tell the children?

·         Time of telling a child – don’t do it on a Sunday night

·         Get the parents to write down how they are going to say it, what they are going to say before they do it

·         Where they are going to say it and when

·         Rehearse it in your head

·         The children’s reactions can vary

·         Things to stay the same – transitions take up to 18 months to 2 years

·         Explain things that will still stay the same

·         Don’t lie – you break trust

·         Divorce is a process not an event

Divorce is such a tricky word for children as they don’t fully understand what it means.  Divorce to adults is very straight forward ‘the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body.’  Imagine saying that to child they would look at you with the biggest blank expression and confusion in their eyes.

I often think that parents really worry about how to tell their children that they are getting a divorce or separating.  But before any of this happens you as parents need to sit down and have a really good conversation about how life is going to look when this happens.  Things you need to consider….

·         Are the children going to live 50% with one parent 50% with the other? – if this is the case will it have a huge impact on school, friends, family.  If you are both living in the same area then this can really work for children.  BUT if dad or mum is moving a good hour away from the child’s school, the impact of an hour commute for parents and children can have quite an impact.

·         Holidays – these really should be agreed in advance.  Christmas and birthdays can you all get together? Take it in turns?